30-Day Challenge: Spirituality Day 10

(N.B.  I feel very quiet today.  All is well, I will be back to writing prolifically as of tomorrow.  Also, in order to manage my time better, I have shifted some of your new posts to Daily.  I will still be following, but sometimes not responding right away.)

 Day 10:  Can you resolve the conflict?   How?

I ran.  I’ve always been a runner, in every way except the physical one. I have ignored my health, which to me is running from it.  I’ve moved from state to state with little more to base the decision on than a bad relationship or the opportunity to avoid being accountable for myself in the eyes of my family.  I run like mad every time I read, and reread, science fiction, or watch sci-fi movies; ignoring other projects or responsibilities becomes easier, and I know which books and movies make those actions easiest, so I invite those back into my life, time after time.

I’ve run from the knowledge that I would look bad at a doctor’s appointment, even though the medical people I see now aren’t like that.  I cannot count the number of appointments I ran from between 2007 and 2010.  And, after my bad experiences with doctors, and my incredible oversensitivity over criticism, had I skipped only one or two appointments this past year, I might not know about limiting my potassium, and I’d likely be in, or much closer to, dialysis.

I’ve run from relationships — so many of them, it’s hard for me to count them.  And, almost always, the reason, (or perhaps I should say excuse,) for my running was due to my own unwillingness to change my behavior, to be more adaptable.  I’m not saying that I had no other reasons for running — I had a few really good reasons.  But I was unwilling to try and work something out, until 1998, when my then-husband was the one lying, about drinking, in our joint counseling.  Taught me not to trust that talking was always a good thing, again, but then I realized I need to make better choices about the people I get close to.

So, I ran from the conflict, removed myself from the situation.  But now, when I can look honestly at my own history, I can say with great clarity that leaving that position was the very best thing I could have done;  I only wish I could have been so honest with myself then.


4 responses to “30-Day Challenge: Spirituality Day 10

  1. I related to this as I was the world’s best runner…same reasons. And then one day…the Lord stopped me dead cold…I couldn’t run. I can barely walk. But I sure have found a lot of joy and peace since then in spite of that. 🙂

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