After I had such an uncomfortable day yesterday, I fully expected to wake up this morning, ready for work and a new day. So, when I woke this morning, I was a little shocked to find myself feeling depressed, sad, not even willing to get out of bed. I haven’t felt this way in a very long time. I called work and told them I was worthless for work today, and would be back when I was scheduled the next time.
(Missing a day at work is not a simple matter for me — the money I make in the two hours I work is enough to make a difference between regular food, and boxed macaroni and cheese. So you can be sure I didn’t make this decision lightly.)
I went back to sleep for a couple of hours, and then I decided to get out of bed and face the day. In the back of my mind, I had a feeling I knew that the problem was, and when I got to the desk, I saw that I was right — I had not taken my meds on Monday morning.
I imagine many of you are thinking, how can one day make that much of a difference? I don’t know what to say, except that I have had this problem before, and it does make a difference. I take quite a large dose of anti-depressants with my morning meds, and regardless whether the drugs are gone from my system that fast, I felt for the first time in a year, like I had lost all of the progress I had made. I have been very careful about taking my meds, for just this reason; in the last few weeks, though, I have gotten lazy about meds — instead of leaving my pills on top of the computer, I have been leaving them under a box of tissues on the desk. I guess that will teach me.
For years, I was very haphazard about medications, which I’m sure contributed to my ongoing depression and sickness. That lackadaisical habit tries to creep back into my life every once in a while, and mornings like today are reminders I need, not to upset the very tenuous balance I’ve found, because everything else depends on my health. Another lesson I could’ve used before, but better late than never.