I have long tried to have the kind of blood sugar my doctors are looking for, whenever I have an appointment. I guess I am still the young woman, afraid of being judged. Now, I know that the doctor and nurses I’m seeing are not judgmental people; several of them are diabetics, in fact, and they have a very personal understanding of all of the ins and outs of diabetes.
Sadly, though, I still have not been able to get through to a single one of them. They don’t listen to my stories about fighting low blood sugars; they continue to insist that I hold myself to a standard (blood sugars of 70-110) which I have quite clearly refused to follow. When I ask for a reason, it is always the same. “I don’t want you to have side effects.” Okay, so that’s the party line, isn’t it. But I have experienced myriad side effects already, due to my neglect of my blood sugars. I am unwilling, at this point, to aim for a blood sugar which is so close to being too low, in order to make up for all those high numbers, when 150-180 is an exponential improvement over my past levels, and a number I can live with.
Do I relent on this situation? I do not see how I can. Why do I insist on maintaining this position? I have only just come alive, and I want to live forever, but in the years I do have left, I am going to be happy; not always straining for that lower number, and being unhappy when I don’t get to it. I refuse to live the rest of my life that way.
The number I’m aiming for now is not only one I can live with, but one I can actually maintain, if I am not busy trying to reach that lower number. If anyone had told me, years ago, that I would be arguing for my doctor agreeing to let me maintain a 150-180 average, I would have said they were crazy!
So, unlike my old self, I am going to stand firm against what my doctor’s office is saying. I will not purposely avoid having lower blood sugars, in the 90s and 100s, but my goal is 150, and I’m done arguing. My choice — doctors are not gods, which is how I used to treat them. They work for me, and I have made up my mind.