For most of my life, I could dream up new ideas with the best. I had a soaring imagination, and knowledge enough to come up thinking interesting thoughts. Even when I was young, I disarmed a couple of teachers by presenting something unusual, something different. A new way to interpret a poem, a better way to decorate a cake. I could think, and I could dream.
But I could not, or would not, do. I lacked an important feature, necessary when speaking of ideas — the ability, or the willingness, or the audacity, or even just the strength of personal fiber to take action on my ideas. I would think of something so grand, so different, but also so possible, but I usually didn’t go anywhere with it. It felt a little like me holding tight to this new action, in order that no one else steal it. Very, very wasteful.
And then, as if I hadn’t missed enough chances, I insisted on being stoned, or on drinking, or on the depression which accompanied me throughout my life, to block movement toward an idea.. I became very skilled at finding excuses not to act. I practiced some of them so regularly that I began to believe. This was one area where negative self-talk became part of my mindset, even though I was using it to accomplish what I thought I wanted. Not anything I’m particularly proud of, or remembering fondly.
I am changing my ways to incorporate my new self-respect, and my respect of others. So, the blog, and the book-to-be, are both exercises in carrying out an idea I first declared decades ago, that is, to write, an actual part of my life.
I have gained self-confidence, and I am doing something about it. This may be the first time I’ve committed to something, and then actually done it. It certainly seems to me the most significant.
I intend to go on coming up with ideas, but not necessarily plans that would apply to everyone. I can’t swing that, anymore.
I have determined to give up trying to imagine for the larger world, and to concentrate on myself and my place in the Cosmos. As Don Miguel Ruiz says:
Without action on an idea, there will be no manifestation, no results, and no reward.