I was looking at my recent posts, and I realized that I hadn’t written a word about balance in a long time, and it’s right there in the title of the blog, for goodness’ sake!
I am feeling pretty evened-out now, although I have a few glaring standouts: My balance around my diabetes is not so good, but it is already improving. And my exercise balance needs a little work. But I feel completely balanced in my spirit; balanced in my writing, now that I’ve cut back a little; balanced in my frame of mind.
I have left the above lined-out paragraph, to keep myself honest. That was the beginning of an everything is great post, one of those smiley posts I wrote when I began blogging. I wrote it last night, and I think I was dozing while I typed — all of this sicky-sweet stuff showed up this morning — lots more than what I’ve left, and all of it just so CHEERFUL! That is not where I am. Everything is not great, but most everything is good.
I’m not sure where that bubbly Judith is from, so I’m not worrying about her right now. As to my balance, I’m walking on a slightly wider rope than I was, and evenness is easier to maintain, though still not easy. I can’t in any way expect to straighten out the rest of my life until I get control of my eating, and that’s as bad or worse than it was a couple of months ago. I would say that my eating habits are the thing about me I’m having the most trouble with.
Obviously, now that I am using an insulin pump, I have the mechanics to eat what I choose. My problem is that I choose to eat foods with a lot of refined sugar — and not just a few. That is something I need to get hold of, and I think once I start walking on the track, I can cut into those nibblies a little. And walking is the other part — I keep thinking, once I start walking, rather than simply walking here, around the building, until I can get rides back and forth to the track.
In one way, I’ve managed to carry over some of last year’s benefit. I’m not completely lame; I walked down to the dumpster and back the other night, only stopping to toss in the bag. That is more than I could do when I got started last year, so I have not completely reverted to being sedentary.
I am way without funds again, as it is the sixth of the month, but everything is paid, and I have a pantry full of food, so I can start saving for a wireless something. I want to be able to sit outside and write this summer. We’ll see what happens. I believe that if I’m already outside, I will be much more inclined to walk around, and that will help.
I need to maintain more of a physical equilibrium in my life. My mental, emotional, and spiritual balance is better, especially since I have the dream team to walk with. Last year’s group? When the 8 weeks were over, I never saw any of them again — I hope we can do that differently with this team. Odd, sort of, that I would talk about being balanced because I have friends to lean on. Still, somehow, it makes sense. To me, at least.
So I am still questing for balance in my life. I am closer to the evenness I seek than I have ever been before, and I’m proud of the way I’ve dealt with and recovered from uncomfortable situations — I have new tools and I use them when I need them. That, in itself, is more evidence of harmony in my day-to-day life than I ever had before, and harmony is something to celebrate. I will not ever reach complete, total balance in my life, but each day that I learn something, and each day that I use these new techniques and thoughts, I am one day closer to living in balance. And that is my goal.