Cultivate Faith

An old favorite which merits revisiting.  Today’s Four Agreement Card, from Don Miguel Ruiz, reads as follows”

Be Impeccable With Your Word

Cultivate faith

To have great faith is to have great power.  Because your intent, your will, is undivided.  When your word isn’t dissipated by doubt, the power of your word becomes even stronger.

I’m not sure if anyone would put the story I’m about to tell under Cultivate Faith. But this is where it belongs, for me.

This has not been the healthiest or most peaceful week for me.  I have posted, ad nauseum, all of the various vagaries of my health.  I do remember that I wasn’t going to talk so much about my health, because it leads me into a much sadder place.

Right on cue, this morning, I awoke feeling awful — sad and without energy and not wanting to do anything but sleep.  These are my depression

Where did my good mood go?

behaviors.  But I hadn’t skipped my medication, and I was back up to speed with the one I found so hard to get.  Writing about Cromwell last night was sad, but not wake-up-depressed kind of sad.  But all I wrote about for the last several days was trouble.  Of course I’m depressed.

Here is the Cultivate Faith part of the story.  I know that I’ve written in the past about what I would do when this day came around.  So I did it.  I decided to be happy again.  I had faith in the lesson I’d learned, even though I wasn’t at all sure if it would work.  I wasn’t any happier after the decision, but I knew that I needed 38 years before I got it the first time, so I was willing to give myself a little space.

After that decision, I used another strategy that I’d learned — several years ago, but it was right at my fingertips when I needed it.  I took a shower, ate some breakfast, dressed in reasonably nice clothes, and headed off to work.  I hadn’t been there ten minutes before I realized that my smile was genuine, my interactions with customers easy; in short, I felt happier.

In fact, I was happy; glad to be at work,

Glad to be at work

enjoying senior discount day, and feeling a little piccolo trill of joy each time an old man, or old woman, responded to my How are you today? with words like Glad to be on this side of the grass, or Up and taking nourishment.

 I’d heard these responses probably a thousand times since I started working there, but I really listened today, and their cheer reinforced my decision to have joy, instead of sadness, in my life.

For at least five years, I’ve had all the worksheet about personal care in the face of depression. I don’t think I ever looked at them.  And, a few days ago, they went into the gaping maw of my shredder.

My instrument of mass destruction

 But somewhere in the last several years, I’d made the habits of dressing up, and making sure my makeup is nice, an automatic set of boosters.

Today, when I needed them to help me turn things around, they were there at my fingertips.  My decision to be happy was right there too, and all of them were successful.  If that isn’t a way to nurture my faith, I don’t know what would be.  I’d been cynical for so long that this morning I found it hard to believe that I could change.  That is what I meant when I thought about this morning and cultivating faith.  I called on strategies I never fully trusted, only to find that they were already part of my life.  I’ll know next time, and believe more easily, because I saw them work.

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