On Not Lying Anymore

Here’s that truth thing again.  Doing it is a lot easier than writing about it.

Here is a link, and some history, about me being a liar.  I lied to so many people for so long; I lied to myself, and believed myself, too.  How scary is that?

Rather than an entire post on all the reasons I lied, I want to write about why I’m telling the truth.  The first reason is the simplest:  I’m telling the truth because it is so much easier.  Really — no noble cause here.  Well, the noble cause is way down the list.  Telling the truth is so easy, a child could do it.  So I can too.

Telling the truth is effortless; I don’t have to remember to whom I have told which lie.  I won’t lay awake at night, scared that my web of lies will tear and disintegrate.  I fabricated my life experience for so long I’d lose track of what I’d said to whom.  Worst of all, I may have been honest, but the next time told the lie.

Authentic stories of life are easy to remember.  A word or two can bring the entire memory back; then I am free to share it if I want, or to hold it close for whatever reason.  But I don’t have to make up something better.  And that is what I’ve done most of my life.  I’ve created better stories, or so I believed, because I wasn’t willing to risk being honest, and seeing nobody care.

I am working, every day, on releasing myself from the craving for approval.  I wish I could say I was done with the task, but I will likely always want the approval of others for something in my life.  What I can do, and what I do now whenever I think of it, is to remind myself that I love my own story; that telling my truth says who I am, for all the world to see, thought they probably couldn’t care less.  I am no longer too afraid to take a chance.  A big step for me.

The noble reason for speaking openly:  it’s the right way to communicate.  If I am dishonest, with others or myself, I am denying my listener the respect they merit, simply for being human.  If I refuse to treat others with respect and consideration,  I cannot expect anything different myself.  Even though it may still come.

And finally, being open and honest with my word feels good.  Beyond the storylines, beyond the self-aggrandizement, the capacity to address a person squarely is one I really like.  So while I am truthful, I shower myself with positive, loving energy.  And that can only make me a more complete, loving person.

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6 responses to “On Not Lying Anymore

  1. Your honesty now makes it hard to think of you any other way. I will learn that about you through the posts you direct us to.
    This I do know, I see you as a beautiful woman who has made the typical mistakes we all make while growing, Yet you have picked yourself up, dusted off any remains of your old ways and have become one of the most loving persons I know.

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