Here’s that truth thing again. Doing it is a lot easier than writing about it.
Here is a link, and some history, about me being a liar. I lied to so many people for so long; I lied to myself, and believed myself, too. How scary is that?
Rather than an entire post on all the reasons I lied, I want to write about why I’m telling the truth. The first reason is the simplest: I’m telling the truth because it is so much easier. Really — no noble cause here. Well, the noble cause is way down the list. Telling the truth is so easy, a child could do it. So I can too.
Telling the truth is effortless; I don’t have to remember to whom I have told which lie. I won’t lay awake at night, scared that my web of lies will tear and disintegrate. I fabricated my life experience for so long I’d lose track of what I’d said to whom. Worst of all, I may have been honest, but the next time told the lie.
Authentic stories of life are easy to remember. A word or two can bring the entire memory back; then I am free to share it if I want, or to hold it close for whatever reason. But I don’t have to make up something better. And that is what I’ve done most of my life. I’ve created better stories, or so I believed, because I wasn’t willing to risk being honest, and seeing nobody care.
I am working, every day, on releasing myself from the craving for approval. I wish I could say I was done with the task, but I will likely always want the approval of others for something in my life. What I can do, and what I do now whenever I think of it, is to remind myself that I love my own story; that telling my truth says who I am, for all the world to see, thought they probably couldn’t care less. I am no longer too afraid to take a chance. A big step for me.
The noble reason for speaking openly: it’s the right way to communicate. If I am dishonest, with others or myself, I am denying my listener the respect they merit, simply for being human. If I refuse to treat others with respect and consideration, I cannot expect anything different myself. Even though it may still come.
And finally, being open and honest with my word feels good. Beyond the storylines, beyond the self-aggrandizement, the capacity to address a person squarely is one I really like. So while I am truthful, I shower myself with positive, loving energy. And that can only make me a more complete, loving person.