My friend, Just-ph.

I’ve just spent an hour on the phone with a good friend, who is distressed about relationships and health.  One of the reasons he calls me, when he feels this way, is that he knows about my feelings of unworthiness, of having been a failure, of not accomplishing any of the big things I wanted to do in my life; and  of my process of overcoming those feelings.  We talk about once every two weeks, and I try very hard to use the listening skills about which I spoke in this post.

Tonight, though, was more difficult than ever, because I hear these negative feelings he expresses about himself, and after every sentence, I want to shake him a little and tell him that his life has value.  I did fairly well, in this conversation, but I couldn’t keep my mouth shut through the whole thing. I caught myself every time but one.  Just-ph., thank you for being so patient with me when I can no longer keep my mouth shut.

My hope for this situation, and this friend, is for him to come to know, somehow, what a decent, wonderful guy he is, and how lucky I feel to have him as a friend.  I don’t let a phone call end without telling him these things.  Hopefully, one day, he’ll believe them.

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6 responses to “My friend, Just-ph.

  1. I hope your friend reads this. Sometimes a declaration in print for the world to see is just a bit more validating.

    Sometimes the mere act of hearing your own voice the thoughts out loud with a trusted friend is enough to hear the lack of credibility they hold. If you’ve been told you’re a dog enough times a dog is sure enough who you will relate to. It’s sad but true,
    But if this is true than why not use the same technique with only healthy positive affirmations instead?
    I once had our youngest daughter create pretty words that said good things about herself on card stock. She doodled and painted,repeating the words. Then she hung each affirmation up on her bathroom mirror. She could not brush her teeth, her hair etc.. without being confronted with the truth, that she is a loveable smart woman who has the gift of compassion like no one else I know. She just needed to give some of that compassion to herself. .

    It’s a great tool I like to use even when I am just feeling down.

    • Thank you for this reply, and for the explanation. I appreciate both. I know you know that I love you, and certainly no harm has been done. You are still my new-found sister, and we share so many feelings, thoughts, and ideas and beliefs. Thank you, your Grace. Much, much love to my Vermont sister!

  2. Yeah, well, some people would rather whine than make the effort to actually do something about it. It’s too bad he uses you to dump out his negativity.

    Nancy

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