Senryus: My apartment trashed, my mood the same

See my unkempt house.

Last week clean, now so cluttered.

It saddens me so;

******

Mem’ries with me, too,

As always is with the mess

I make, then live in.

******

I missed the lesson which

Taught a clean apartment was

Reason to be proud.

******

This state, I believe,

Reflects childhood confusion.

I’ve long lost my way,

******

Or perhaps is right

To say that I am lazy,

Pig in her pigsty.

******

Whence comes this horrid

Guilt? The shame I am feeling

Runs deeply in me.

******

Again I thought

I’d conquered futility.

Need not any help.

******

This hard lesson bears

Repeating, always, to me.

Don’t stop what’s working.

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6 responses to “Senryus: My apartment trashed, my mood the same

  1. I have a couple of theories on all of this. Bear with me, this could be long! I’ll try to keep my thoughts in order.

    There is a huge difference between clean and immaculate. To me, immaculate is what we see in the magazines. Do (real) people actually live and function in some of these places? Or is our planet populated by robots masquerading as people? The absolute worst are the pictures of family homes where there are small children. Come on, not a toy out of place, no finger print smears, not even kiddy locks in sight.

    The publishing industry has a lot to answer for. I’m presuming that readers don’t want to see the same as they have at home. They want to dream a little.

    Clutter also means different things to different people. My house is characterised by piles. My husband ‘jokes’ about the piles. Seriously these piles have taken over the house. (Which is very small to start with). I need to do something and fast. I’m headed for Hoarders if I don’t get it under control. Do you have piles Judith? (oh dear, that doesn’t right, I’m sure you know what I mean :))

    Last week we had guests over on two different occasions. Both times I worked myself into a tizzy because of the piles.To the point where I was almost unable to do anything. Where to start?! In the end, they all got dumped in the sauna. Until Sunday night when we wanted to have sauna and so they all came out again. Once again the lounge and hallway are full of piles.

    Now I agree with Barefoot Baroness that guests visit you, not the house, at the same time not have a neat house (let’s presume that clutter is not actually dirt) is a little disrespectful to the guest. I invited you to my house for a nice time. It’s not a nice time if you have to shift a stack of papers to be able to sit on the chair, and then hope they don’t slide in an avalanche of flyers, bills and magazines. That happened to me last week. I’m not embarrassed. I just know that I can do better.

    Judith, please do me one favour: take away the negative terms from your post. Negative thoughts just feed themselves. The last thing you should be calling yourself is lazy or that you are a slob. Even worse is pigsty. (Although ironically, pigs are clean animals and if left to their own devices keep their sties clean.)

    Anyway, sometimes I feel just like you’ve expressed. However I’m not ashamed any more, so within the next couple of days Erica the Vulgar will be shared with my regular readers. I’ve just started a new blog using my alter ego character (that I found courtesy of you thank you!) to chart my journey.

    I’m sure you’ve heard of the FlyLady. I think I was probably the last person on earth to hear about her. Anyway, I’m trying to get with the programme. There is an awful lot of gushing and some of the things are very ‘twee’ for this transplanted antipodean. I’ve already decided to ignore those. Baby steps and 15 minutes at a time. Sometimes just 2 minutes is enough.

    Phew, this was as long as a regular post. So thank you if you managed to get all the way to the end. I would like to ping this back to my post when I get around to putting it up, if that is alright with you? I’m quite sure your situation is nowhere near as bad as this.

    Hugs, Heather

    • Heather, thanks so much for your thoughts on this. You make perfectly clear sense, and I agree with all of your suggestions.

      This feeling is deeply rooted, years and years, as are “slob,” and “pigsty.” In the process of writing this post and the next, I tapped into a well of sadness and feelings of worthlessness which I thought I’d forgiven and purged. Obviously not. I’m hoping that I don’t get any negative feedback from the maintenance guys today — tomorrow my new helper is starting, and I already know I can maintain a clean house, usually for 5 days out of 7, and the last two aren’t long enough to really mess the place up. So that will be a huge relief! I’ll email with the rest. Again, thanks so much.

  2. I’ve come to accept finally and much to my husbands relief that me and an immaculate house are on opposite sides of the Universe.. I’ve finally realized I don’t mind. It was what i thought other people minded. and they just don’t. Not if they are here to see us, not home.
    My happiness revolves around clean kitchen, clean bathrooms, clean tables, and clean laundrey. The rest of is hit and miss when the feeling moves us. I insist on help!
    My mom is no longer alive and sad as it is to say when she left this earth so did my quarrel with myself.

  3. Don’t feel bad about the mess – guilt and helplessness paralyse us so that nothing changes (I speak from experience). Start with one small job, one manageable thing. Pat yourself on the back, then do another small job. Carry on like that, breaking huge tasks into tiny tasks, and you’ll surprise yourself.

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