It’s time for me to return to the Four Agreements Cards, by Don Miguel Ruiz. With no surprise to me, I’ve drawn another Don’t Make Assumptions card, the assumptions card:
In any kind of relationship, we can make the assumption that others know what we think, and we don’t have to say what we want. We assume they are going to do what we want because they know us so well. If they don’t do what we want, we feel hurt and think, How could you do that? You should know.
I’m reading this a little differently today — instead of thinking of my relationship with someone else, I’m looking at this from the perspective of my relationship with myself, vis-a-vis taking my medications. You may remember that I neglected to take my medications on Tuesday, which contributed largely to my meltdown of mood and functionality. Now that I am back to normal, whatever normal is for me, I can see a big assumption that messed me up during that time.
I assumed that I felt awful, due to my apartment being messy. In fact, it wasn’t so messy after all, but I thought it was, and so thought I had a perfectly good reason to feel like crap. The odd thing is, I DID have a perfectly good reason for the way I felt, but because I was so centered on the apartment, I neglected to check and make sure I’d taken my meds.
This is not the first time — actually, this is not the 500th time I’ve not taken my meds; non-compliance was a problem of mine for many years. But recently, I’ve been very good about sticking with the program, as it were. I just got a little lazy — stopped putting the med box where I could see it first thing in the morning. I assumed that I would remember them, especially because I know the antidepressants are finally working for me. But that assumption was a big mistake, and when it caught up with me, I ended up where I’ve been the last few days: miserable.
The answer, of course, is to assume that I won’t take my meds, without the reminders that have worked so well for the last year or so. I need to rededicate myself to following that pattern, at night, of placing the med box on top of the computer, where I won’t be able to help but see it in the morning. That is the first step. The second step is to remember, when I begin to feel really awful, to check and see if I have taken those meds. Nothing so terrible exists in my life right now, that I would be unable to handle it, provided I am following the program.
And isn’t that a nice way to feel!