My panic-write-attack

Why, when life is going well and each thing in its place,

Do I seek out a living hell, and lose all sight of grace?

I feel without a single thing I couldn’t self-correct.

Instead, I ruin everything, and lose all self-respect.

I mean, of course, that awful time I make my heart upset,

Believing I must post right now, or live with deep regret.

I fear, those times, that I will lose all my reader gains;

If I can’t type some words right now, my misery remains.

Not worrying about this situation is the way

I should approach that random thought.  And yet, all I can say

Is that I know my indecision rises from behind

Not current state, but from dark days, when I had lost my mind.

And now that I have found it, must release the need to please,

Except, of course, to let myself receive that gentle squeeze

Of reassurance, that I gain more knowledge of myself

If I remember joy, for me, comes from the page itself.

I write because I need to write.  Love authoring, it’s true. So,

I set aside my haste, and only write for me, not you.

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6 responses to “My panic-write-attack

  1. Stop stressing young lady—you’re doing great! I’ve got a dollar that says the walls won’t fall in if you miss a post because you took a break to go sit in the sunshine!

    • Hi, Kana,

      Thank you. As often happens, the entire poem arose out of me trying to do just what I ended up writing about. I was becoming sad, and then angry, and the poem jumped out of my hands onto the keyboard. That is also my favorite line, although I didn’t notice it at first. Thanks for knowing what I was writing about!

      Judith

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