I’ve been thinking of all the friends I’ve made over the months I have been writing this blog. Funny, that many of these friendships are as important as my friendships with physical friends, though for different reasons.
My blog friends know only what I write. If I wanted, I could release very limited information — not tell my whole story — and that would be fine. I highly recommend just that for anyone who is not ready to put their whole selves out to the world. I remember a therapist who told me to lie, on purpose, so that I’d understand I was allowed to choose. My choice is to write my truth. I am sure, even today, that there will be personal issues about which I choose not to write. But writing my truth has been good for me — I have rid myself of many pains from my past, and I am much happier as a result.
I have heard that online friends aren’t really friends, because I can’t tell if they are writing the truth. Perhaps this example will explain why I disagree:
- in a movie by the Farrelly brothers, called Shallow Hal, Hal, (played by Jack Black,) has become quite enamoured of a lovely woman, (played by Gwyneth Paltrow,) based on the fact that what he sees is really how she is on the inside. His friend removes the spell, and tells Hal that she is not beautiful, and that what makes things true is “Third-party perspective!” Hal, of course, knows that third-party perspective has nothing to do with his feelings, and decides in the end that this lady is as beautiful on the outside as she is on the inside.
Each of my blogging friends is telling his or her truth. Whether anyone else believes it really doesn’t matter; our truths are not open to definition by others, nor are we required to offer empirical facts to support what we write. No need here for “Third-Party Perspective.” I don’t expect facts from anyone, unless they represent their writing as such. We are telling our stories, and I think most of us realize that.
And, thinking of the Second Agreement, I work every day on not taking things others write or say personally. I know this is a very difficult agreement to live with. I have no illusions that I am done taking things personally, or done making assumptions, for that matter. I don’t expect anything, except that I will continue to strive to live by the Four Agreements:
- Be Impeccable with Your Word
- Don’t Take Anything Personally
- Don’t Make Assumptions
- Always Do Your Best
I cannot assume that everyone understands why I write as I do — I know that many who read what I write will be, quite simply, confused. And anyone who takes what I write personally is giving me far too much credit. How could I even hope to tell someone else’s truth? I can’t. Sister S. says, “You don’t know, until you know.” That has certainly been true in my life.
So, with all of the above to keep in mind, I am still writing my truth, and I am valuing my friends here in the blogoverse, just as I value my friends I can see and touch, and of course, my family. I am honestly aiming nothing I write at anyone but myself.
The anonymity of blogs is a bonus for so many, who need to express their thoughts and feelings without identifying who they are, and thus handing ammunition to anyone who reads the blog. I have hidden so much in my life for so long, I revel in the choice to tell my truth to the world. And I am so grateful so many of you understand this, and read and offer comments accordingly. I value you as my friends, right along with my physical friends, and my family. I really do love you all.