I drew this card from Don Miguel Ruiz’ The Four Agreements deck, (See the link.) I haven’t written about the cards in quite a while, and I believe it is time. The card I drew is from the Agreement: Be Impeccable With Your Word. It reads:
Become a White Magician
All the magic you possess is based on your Word,
And you cast spells all the time with your opinions.
You can either put a spell on someone with your Word,
Or you can release someone from a spell.
I am approaching this lesson a little differently, because of my years and years of being vulnerable to my own spells. As I look back now, I feel bemused about the length of time I needed to escape that habit of my younger years. I won’t elaborate on why I was so convinced, and therefore so convincing, to myself, of the unhelpful beliefs I carried around for so long.
From the time I started school, I strove to excel academically, with much luck and much success. I expected to get A’s on my report card, and I usually did. All of us kids were in Scouts, and we all participated in some other activity — my particular favorite was baton twirler. We went to the base pool, we camped out — we were a busy little (big) family.
As I entered adulthood, I became very good at believing what I was told, even by myself. I lied a lot, especially about maintaining my diabetes well; I was under a spell which said I was a failure if I didn’t follow my doctors’ instructions. The idea of failing was more than frightening; I felt I wouldn’t survive, if I was a failure. Yet, my life was really as anti-health as I could make it.
Those feelings are way less potent now than they used to be. I am working hard on being healthy, with mixed success, but still a lot better than my first 36 years of diabetic life. I released myself from that spell; I let all that sadness go. My sister S., and so many others, used their words to cast a different spell on me — one of love and self-worth and wisdom and joy
They were my white magicians, and they taught me how to be one myself. When I finally believed the old, sad spells were broken, I gathered up all the wisdom and love my white magicians gave me. Through them, I become a white magician myself. I grabbed that new spell, and let it bloom in my life — I decided to live the rest of my life with contentment for what I had, not with sorrow at what I’d missed. In the words of Robert Frost: That has made all the difference.