Cast my spell on me

I drew this card from Don Miguel Ruiz’ The Four Agreements deck, (See the link.)  I haven’t written about the cards in quite a while, and I believe it is time.  The card I drew is from the Agreement:  Be Impeccable With Your Word.  It reads:

Become a White Magician

All the magic you possess is based on your Word,
And you cast spells all the time with your opinions.
You can either put a spell on someone with your Word,
Or you can release someone from a spell.

I am approaching this lesson a little differently, because of my years and years of being vulnerable to my own spells.  As I look back now, I feel bemused about the length of time I needed to escape that habit of my younger years.  I won’t elaborate on why I was so convinced, and therefore so convincing, to myself, of the unhelpful beliefs I carried around for so long.

From the time I started school, I strove to excel academically, with much luck and much success.  I expected to get A’s on my report card, and I usually did.  All of us kids were in Scouts, and we all participated in some other activity — my particular favorite was baton twirler.  We went to the base pool, we camped out — we were a busy little (big) family.

As I entered adulthood, I became very good at believing what I was told, even by myself.  I lied a lot, especially about maintaining my diabetes well; I was under a spell which said I was a failure if I didn’t follow my doctors’ instructions.  The idea of failing was more than frightening; I felt I wouldn’t survive, if I was a failure.  Yet, my life was really as anti-health as I could make it.

Those feelings are way less potent now than they used to be.  I am working hard on being healthy, with mixed success, but still a lot better than my first 36 years of diabetic life.  I released myself from that spell; I let all that sadness go.  My sister S., and so many others, used their words to cast a different spell on me — one of love and self-worth and wisdom and joy

They were my white magicians, and they taught me how to be one myself.  When I finally believed the old, sad spells were broken, I gathered up all the wisdom and love my white magicians gave me.  Through them, I become a white magician myself.  I grabbed that new spell, and let it bloom in my life — I decided to live the rest of my life with contentment for what I had, not with sorrow at what I’d missed.  In the words of Robert Frost:  That has made all the difference.

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2 responses to “Cast my spell on me

  1. And you let that spell keep on shining, because you are beautiful!
    Oh, it must be a beauty spell too, how awesome, a twofer!! “-)

    Seriously Judith you keep on roaring loud girl. We love you more and more ~ BB

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