Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy! I have written a lot in this blog, over the last year, about being and staying happy. But for the last couple of weeks, my happy system is down, and I have been sad. With sadness come all the old negative behavior: ignoring my blood sugar, letting my house get completely trashy, sleeping most of the day and up all night — just basically not giving a crap. Scary place to be — I thought I could stay on top of this kind of mood swing.
And I can, in fact, do exactly that. But I am not motivated to overcome depression right now, and that is the scariest part of all. I’ve thought very little about all my wonderful strategies I’ve outlined in this blog. I truly don’t care to feel better, and that is dangerous ground to tread. I started the fight back out of that mood tonight, and I am guardedly optimistic about getting back to the joyous spot I occupied such a short time ago.
I went to the shore tonight — always a good first step for me, as I cannot stay miserable when I am near the salt water. I joined my sister DC and her family for dinner at a nice lobster house, and by the time we had our entrees, I could feel my spirits lifting. The fog was in, and the sea birds were squawking; the sun came out from behind clouds to give us a lovely sunset show. My two nieces are the sweetest, most positive kids, obviously raised with love and support, as well as discipline. Even in a cheap diner, being with that family is a wonder and a joy.
When they dropped me off at home, I could feel that sweet mood drifting away. I grabbed it with both hands and said, right out loud, “I am finished with this sadness. For now, at least, I received a lovely boost from my family, and I don’t intend to waste that success.
When I came through the door, after making that promise to myself, I was able to see that some of what was making me sad, was not so sad at all, but just took the smallest effort to clean up. Now I sit happily in my cleaner house. These last weeks have been the first in a very long time when I needed bolstering, badly; thank the cosmos, my sister and her family didn’t let me stay sad for long.
I remember times, decades ago, when I paid very little attention to this branch of my family. But even then, they loved me completely, and tonight, as then, they dragged me back from my misery to something much nicer. So thanks to all of you, for inviting me, and for letting me soak up some of the content that so characterizes your family. I’m ready now for a new week; I am shaking off the heavy load, and I’m back to believing that a happy life can be made, even by me.