Laughing in the face…

I see signs of my mortality everywhere around me, every day.  Certainly, at least in the last few weeks, I am laughing my ass off when I do.  My feelings are magical to me — I am certainly in good health for a 52-year-0ld diabetic of 38 years, but my body is wearing down.  Then again, so is everyone else’s.  The awareness of my mortality is also the promise of my humanity, and a contentment to my spirit.

I speak mostly of little things, and I know many of my older readers have experienced or are now going through the same rites of passage.  I forget anything and everything — names don’t come easily, the way they used to.  Mom and I often laugh ourselves into conniption fits, over the ridiculous number of times in one conversation either of us can forget a name.  Just today, we were talking about the show, A Chorus Line, and I could not come up with the name of the actor who plays the director’s part.  A sample:

Uh, Ray something?” “I know I know his name.”  “All that Jazz, he also played the director in that.”  “Ron?”  “No.”  “He was the sheriff in Jaws!”  Laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, and a look from Mom that said, “What help is that?”  More laughs.  “Schneider.  Roy Schneider.”  “That’s not it.  I’m pretty sure it’s Roy.”  “Scheider — Roy Scheider!”  We both chuckle, understanding without another word why each of us was laughing; sharing that bond that humans can, when we understand that each of us is losing that firm grip on ourselves.

Earlier this morning, I was showing Mom some of my weird age spots, and my webbed toes, (I never knew, but she told me Dad has them too.  I guess I never really thought about my dad’s feet before.)  We both often forget medicines.  Mom says she has way too many things on her mind; I know exactly what she means.

I spoke at breakfast about my resurgent writing, and my renewed knowledge of my spiritual needs.  I realized yesterday, I had forgotten the importance of ritual in my life, the uplifting of my spirit by keeping certain patterns going.  Again, too much on my mind, I suppose.  But I am devoutly energized now — and my writing is also benefitting from my reawakening.  I always liked my blog, and the posts from other bloggers, but I had forgotten I loved to write; blogging had become something of a chore.

My forgetfulness is only one aspect of aging; I don’t sleep as well, or as long each night.  I find myself looking out the window at a beautiful day, not even remembering that I’d stayed inside since 10AM.  I cannot eat as much as I used to, which is great, except my eyes are, as they say, bigger than my stomach.  A couple of times in the last week, I ate until I was just short of being sick.  What is up with that?

So, the harbingers of the end continue to occur, and I absolutely love, thus far at least, that I am able to smile, and giggle, and compare maladies.  I know I am luckier than many, and I do not presume to minimize the distress many others experience as they age.  But, for now, I laugh in the face of death, and then squirt at it from my plastic lapel flower.  Ha, Ha, my demise!  Take that!

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6 responses to “Laughing in the face…

  1. Reading about the bond between mom & daughter speak loudly and softly of love. And I love it for you.
    You my lil sis are doing magnificently in my mind albeuet I am not there to check you out with my sisterly eyes.

    I found for myself some months back that when blogging started feeling like an obligation, not an art I had to back off as well. Time away and relecting can do magical things.

    I’m so happy to be your friend Judith, you’re special in every way.

    Take care my dear friend ~ BB

    • You would be more touched, if you knew that I couldn’t carry on a conversation with Mom, beyond surface yak-yak, only two years ago. The change I went through allowed me to see her as someone who had always done her best — that’s all anyone could expect. Now, we’re buds, and I love it!

      We’ll meet, one day. I just know it. ❤

    • I believe that I am, George. All it took was having to sit around for a few days with swollen calves, to inspire to get active in my life again. Thanks for such a sweet comment. 😎

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