In a Fog

I heard the term brain fog a day or two ago, and I realized that I was hearing these words often, in casual conversation.  I can recall four specific times in the last month, and I am sure those aren’t the only times.  This term I remember, though so little else is clear.

I considered myself a smart girl, from junior high, when I had little to no trouble maintaining an A average.  Studies have always been easy for me, and even the hardest subjects went smoothly for me.  I write this for no reason except to illustrate how intelligence and common sense are very different characteristics, and they are not always found together.  This is my case:  I could drag up useless facts from my head that I heard in my studies, but I don’t often act in my own best interest.

Lately, brain fog has filled my head, and my intelligence is suffering. I believe it’s hidden in that mist I can’t seem to clear.  I know a large part of this situation is due to age — and I am thrilled to be experiencing symptoms of an old age I thought I would never reach.  But my inability to remember is accompanied by the loss of simple mathematical skills — I catch myself going for a calculator to add 3 three-digit numbers, (a skill I learned in elementary school.)

Recently, I found several notebooks full of first drafts of papers on a raft of different subjects; after reading them, I see that I have lost the ease with which I moved from one subject to another.  I use a Thesaurus at least once a day; when I find the right word, I realize I’ve known it all along, and just couldn’t call it up.  Facts I’ve known nearly all my life are just out of reach:  I remember memorizing the state capitals of the United States, and I could recite them alphabetically forward and backward.  This is not an important ability —  state capitals’ names are easily accessed, But tasks like that were simple for me.

I’ve misplaced some of that ease with which I approached life when I was younger.  I believe some of that simplicity arose from my web of lies, and misrepresentations — I wasn’t really me at all.

Now, I know that writing my blogs is strengthening those skills, honing them closer to the edge I used to have.  In addition, I’m writing with emotional and  spiritual freedom for the first time in my life.  I don’t always hit a home run, but when I post, or turn the computer on at all, I am unafraid.  A very new feeling for me.  I have joy in my life — so when things are foggy, I will continue to throw sunshine at my brain with words;  eventually, the fog will clear.


4 responses to “In a Fog

  1. Nothing drives me nuts as much as losing my vocabulary! I used to be able to spell everything without flaw now I have to look words up. My undying hope is that what is lost will be found once the hormones settle down.

  2. I have been experiencing ‘Fibro-Fog” for about the last 10 yrs. A real cogntive impairment for us writers. Sometimes I will notr go to bed becaus I have not found the word I am missing.

    I also hav been known to try ti hunt down a sing I acannot recall. I had a small part of the chorus, very small. Can hear it in my head, .. cannot think of the tune. Drive some up a wall! Still a couple weeks later despite two minds searching (yes I had to enlist a friend, now that is sick?) searching based on what I had, to no avail. Nothing.

    I am still fibro-figged about that song… and about a dozen new things since.

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