I heard the term brain fog a day or two ago, and I realized that I was hearing these words often, in casual conversation. I can recall four specific times in the last month, and I am sure those aren’t the only times. This term I remember, though so little else is clear.
I considered myself a smart girl, from junior high, when I had little to no trouble maintaining an A average. Studies have always been easy for me, and even the hardest subjects went smoothly for me. I write this for no reason except to illustrate how intelligence and common sense are very different characteristics, and they are not always found together. This is my case: I could drag up useless facts from my head that I heard in my studies, but I don’t often act in my own best interest.
Lately, brain fog has filled my head, and my intelligence is suffering. I believe it’s hidden in that mist I can’t seem to clear. I know a large part of this situation is due to age — and I am thrilled to be experiencing symptoms of an old age I thought I would never reach. But my inability to remember is accompanied by the loss of simple mathematical skills — I catch myself going for a calculator to add 3 three-digit numbers, (a skill I learned in elementary school.)
Recently, I found several notebooks full of first drafts of papers on a raft of different subjects; after reading them, I see that I have lost the ease with which I moved from one subject to another. I use a Thesaurus at least once a day; when I find the right word, I realize I’ve known it all along, and just couldn’t call it up. Facts I’ve known nearly all my life are just out of reach: I remember memorizing the state capitals of the United States, and I could recite them alphabetically forward and backward. This is not an important ability — state capitals’ names are easily accessed, But tasks like that were simple for me.
I’ve misplaced some of that ease with which I approached life when I was younger. I believe some of that simplicity arose from my web of lies, and misrepresentations — I wasn’t really me at all.
Now, I know that writing my blogs is strengthening those skills, honing them closer to the edge I used to have. In addition, I’m writing with emotional and spiritual freedom for the first time in my life. I don’t always hit a home run, but when I post, or turn the computer on at all, I am unafraid. A very new feeling for me. I have joy in my life — so when things are foggy, I will continue to throw sunshine at my brain with words; eventually, the fog will clear.