Journey of a Blogger

I always wanted to be an author who had already published my first novel.  When finally I overcame that feeling, I decided to write.  My choice becomes a little clearer everyday.  By posting in this blog, I remember how much I love to write; on the other hand, I have learned that, unlike my first few months, during which I wrote four or five posts a day, my writing persona lives by a much more relaxed schedule.  And while, initially, my intent was to make this blog wholly lessons of and information about Diabetes, I quickly learned, with a little help, (and Thanks!,) that I write more naturally when I write from my heart.  In my heart, I have a very different scope of feelings about Diabetes.

I learned, with not a little apprehension, that just because people read my writing  one day does not say anything about their reactions to my next post.  During the first six months of this blog, I had up to 210 readers in one day.  I average 35 now.  Obviously, my initial posts were the most personal, and came from stories I’d told myself for years.  At the end of that period, I took a week break, and came back to a much smaller group of readers, and to posts which required more and deeper thought.

I faced at this time my innate laziness, a characteristic I was too lazy to change.  I say this with a light heart now, but I struggle quite seriously with the desire simply to quit.  My entire life was a collection of escapes from doing the hard stuff:  I certainly ignored my diabetes, and I think an unwillingness to do the work  was at the bottom of that; I never stayed long in a job, or a marriage, because I can do anything for the first few months, until I faced a need to learn and grow, or to quit. I usually quit.

But I stuck with the blog; I even started another blog, for poetry; that second blog still exists, though I post poetry only infrequently.  I enjoy writing poetry, but don’t feel called to write it often. This felt, at first, like failure, though I quickly learned to stop punishing myself.  No one has an interest in my success or failure greater than mine.  In fact, no one is judging my success but me; I spend some time everyday practicing a moderate, supportive effort to overcome my judgment of myself.  That task is becoming a little easier every day.

I have always performed well in the face of a challenge, and my choice, to participate in National Novel-Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo, presented to me a  schedule to meet:  1600 words a day, or 50,000 words in the month of November.  I started with a couple of ideas for a novel, but I quickly gave up on them, and began a memoir instead.  After that, actually writing the words became easy once more.  Another instance of laziness — instead of working, thinking, and finding a story line, I fell back on the story I already knew.  On the other hand, I completed the challenge a couple of days early, with pride and happiness.

Even in my rough draft of a memoir, I wrote each event or idea into two- or three-page anecdotes.  By the end of that month, I had rediscovered my love of that short-chapter format, which I first discovered  by writing sermons.  With another helpful suggestion, (Thanks, once more,) I began over the last week to explore the idea of writing essays.  As I read more essays, by different writers, I am able to see the similarity of essays to my blog posts.  And there I am, back where I started.  My new understanding of life, moving in cycles as it does, allows me to let go my need to do everything perfectly the first time.  That simple, vital change has set me free.

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14 responses to “Journey of a Blogger

  1. I just hope someday I would find your book everywhere. I too once dreamed of being a writer but am not, I guess like they are born with that God given talent. If I did have the time and money to spare I would had probably studied English to improve my writing skill and grammar. My blog is more of my channel to exhuast my emotions on whatever topics or whatever happened to me.

  2. Pingback: My pal Judith Atwood give us just a little glimpse…:) « Thomas Rydder

  3. You have no idea how close I came to unsubscribing when you were in the early days of posting 4-5 times a day. I knew you enjoyed it, but I didn’t have time to read that many. Putting you onto a once a day schedule helped, but I was really relieved when you cut back to a more reasonable schedule.

    It’s interesting reading your evolution, most of which I’ve seen play out. I look forward to seeing what the next evolution brings. Remember to make big mistakes this year!

    Nany

    • I never realized how miserable those zillion posts must have been to get through until I had stopped writing them. But I like taking some time to write good material, not just what’s been stewing in my head all these years. Thanks for sticking with me! Big mistakes? Mine are rarely small, or minor! 😎

      • I hung in there because you got such pleasure from those multiple posts, but I do like the more thoughtful ones much better. Also, you’ve worked on becoming happier and being responsible for your own emotions and that’s clearly reflected as your blog has matured. I’ve enjoyed watching you evolve and be happier and more joyful.

        Not sure if I should leave that in or not. You were fine before, which is why I stayed, but your growth this last year has been really good.

      • Thanks — I do recognize what you say. I think, in the beginning, I had so much stored up, that I just had to let it out. Getting through those first few months was a vital process, but I’m glad I’m done for now. So glad you stuck with me! 😎

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