Wherever we go, there we are

The only problem with leaving and going someplace else is that you take yourself with you. You take your vibrational habits and patterns with you.

— Abraham

Excerpted from the workshop in Albany, NY on Monday, May 18th, 1998 # 683

Abraham makes a lot of sense here.  Many of us have heard at least part of the following quote from Buddha:

“Every wakeful step, every mindful act is the direct path to awakening. Wherever you go, there you are.”

Abraham is cautioning us and encouraging us at the same time in this particular quote.  He speaks of our inability to escape ourselves.  But he also give us the one big hint to our own happiness.  Think about the things that could make us happy — try hard not to focus on trouble, financial distress, medical worries, relationships that have gone bad, or any of the million different negative circumstances we don’t want which prevent us from achieving happiness, or clarity, or joy.

I crossed out my reference to not wanting negative circumstances, because we truly do call to us that to which we vibrate; we concentrate on what we want, and we get what we concentrate on.  Much of my sadness and hard circumstances came because I concentrated so on my sad life.  This is the essence of Abraham’s Law of Attraction:  Like begets like.  The best way for me to offer explanation, at least on my view of the Law of Attraction, is to tell my own story.  For those of you who have heard this, or some of it, please bear with me.

Anyone who knew me over two years ago can testify that my luck seemed pretty miserable  — failed marriages, really bad health, overweight, unhappy, angry, frustrated — just writing the list is enough to make me want to forget all of it. Not all of my life was like this — I went through one  really nice, happy time.  I wasn’t satisfied with myself, but I did live comfortably, stayed in a job that needed most of my brain, I  even lost a little bit of weight.  What was the difference?

Most of my life, I expected to be disliked, even hated.  I worried about that a lot.  I spent a lot of money on clothes and costume jewelry, especially in 1988-1992, believing that if I changed the outside I would like the inside.  I strove to excel in academics, from childhood through my Bachelor’s degree through post-grad courses.  Academics was easy, next to living with myself, measuring my feelings of failure and unworthiness, of being broken.

From the time I was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes, I felt like there was no help for me, (as I learned only very recently, my diagnosing doctor, after giving me my death sentence, told my parents not to help me, lest I become dependent on them.)  I feared my doctors, as unswayable authority figures who would reign punishment upon me for being a non-compliant diabetic.  I know I didn’t come up with this alone; I guess I picked up on my mom’s fear of doctors, who had in fact punished her.  I was alone.  Really alone, as far as the most important obstacle in my life.  And I was only fourteen-years-old.

By the time I reached my thirties, I had decades of two-pack-a-day smoking tobacco, and an equal amount of time spent drinking, smoking pot, and for several of those years, sleeping around.  In my heart, in one little spot, I knew how self-destructive I was, but knowing did nothing to stop me.  As Dad is fond of saying, I make many of my decisions based on emotion, and my emotions then were mostly self-loathing, unworthiness, and depression.  This was not the way I wanted to live my life.

I did, however — for a very, very long time.

During this time, my big sister and my family offered me real wisdom, but I was not able to understand them.  I heard them, and learned what they meant, intellectually, but years went by when the words made very little impact on me.  I hit the bottom of my depression over and over, from 2007 to the middle of 2010.  I owe my psychologist, Margaret, so much for her help during these really difficult years — I believe that she kept me sane a couple of times.  Sister S. did the same, almost daily — she became my confidant and my dearest friend then, as she still is now.  And Mom, bless her heart, took on the duty of helping me manage my life, and of doing it for me when I couldn’t.  Rides, hospital visits, and so many tears — these three women were particularly helpful.  My whole family and acquaintances helped as well, a great support system.

Okay, blah-de-blah….One night, I suddenly understood of one of S.’ favorite sayings — nothing could hurt me unless I let it.  I’d spent years blaming others for my sadness, but finally, the light came on, and that and all of the other wisdom S. passed along made sense.  In a matter of minutes, I came to grips with the fact that I was making myself miserable, and that I was mired in my aged-fourteen hell, because I let myself be there.  I made a decision, to be happy; to think positively, to appreciate that I was still alive, and to recognize the good care so many of my doctors had given me.  In other words, I decided to put the Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz, and Abraham’s Law of Attraction, to work in my life.

I thought — put the old brain to use, believing that I could make a difference in my own life.  I certainly did — the difference was amazing.  Every day I reminded myself that I chose to be joyful, to find contentment, by being happy in the first place.  It’s not always going to happen in minutes.  But no matter how bad you are feeling, stand in front of the mirror, and find one thing about yourself that makes you feel good.  Concentrate, on the subject and on that good feeling, and from the lowest bottom of sadness, or anger, you will begin to find joy in other areas of your life.

This may involve saying over and over, that “…I have a nice nose,” or “my chin is stronger than I realized,” or “I really love my hair,” maybe a hundred times a day.  That doesn’t matter.  Retraining our minds is the way to accomplish this, and practice is always valuable.  Remind ourselves of that feel-good experience as often as we must.  In a couple, maybe three days time, that positivity will become a regular part of our self-evaluation, and as time goes on, we will dig new paths through our feelings and our thoughts, and follow them successfully every day.  Soon, we will be looking upon life, as a whole, with contentment and joy.

Big promises — this idea is huge.  Don’t expect to get it all at once, but try this little step, and start the process.  Because wherever we are, our thoughts and feelings call more of themselves to us. Wouldn’t life be nice if we felt joyful, or at least content, most of the time?