Throughout my life, I have made a practice of paying close attention to my mood and reactions on the day after a very emotional appointment. Today is no different, except when I compare results. This is my fallout check, and I am thrilled to say this is a good one!
I woke this morning feeling like an entirely different person from yesterday. I felt hope, and happiness, and a sense of health separate from the exercise and weight loss I am experiencing. I knew immediately from where these emotions came — facing and dealing with just one incident from my childhood, and taking the first steps to ameliorate the sadness and confusion I have always felt before.
I did my pedaling, showered, and got dressed for work, ate breakfast and locked the door. I walked down the stairs, which felt great — emotionally, I mean — and reached the common room on the eastern face of our building. I waited five minutes or so for the taxi — I’ve put off walking to catch the bus until the weather warms a little. When my ride arrived, I put on my jacket and walked out the front door.
I reacted almost instantly to the position of the sun, noticeably higher in the sky than just one week ago. After a long session of cloudy days, the sky was clear, and I sensed that the spring would arrive, someday — that we are on the upswing into warmth, and growth of grass and leaves and flowers. That feeling added to my sense of content.
By the time I arrived at work, I felt quite nearly jolly. I was happy to see my coworkers, happy to talk to my customers; one of my jobs at the store is to greet incoming shoppers and offer to help them find what they are looking for. Several customers, and the store manager mentioned to me how genuine my smile looked — how easy and unpretentious my greeting was. I took a couple of minutes to explain the neural pathway work my psychologist and I did yesterday. Everyone who heard me told me how cool they thought this technique must be. (Similarly, I had several likes and kind comments of support and interest after publishing the post yesterday. Thank you so much!)
Even now, when I’ve been sitting quietly for a couple of hours, writing this post and reading and answering emails, I am smiling. Hopefully, while I am channeling new emotional memory pathways, I can also channel the relaxed position of my face from a frown to a smile. ☹☞☺