The Affirmations of Abraham-Hicksv are pushing my buttons this last week, making me want to delve further into what they mean in my life. I will find other influences, I promise. But now, from Abraham-Hicks:
You don’t have to go where you don’t want to be to get where you want to be. You can go from where you are to where you want to be.
Excerpted from the workshop in Napa, CA on Friday, February 28th, 1997 # 44
I remember, quite clearly, sitting in this apartment shortly after I moved in, thinking how long and hard a journey I had ahead of me to reach a time when I was content with my life. The memory sticks so well with me, because that was one of the few times I have considered ending my life, just to make it stop hurting so much. Even if this hurt went away, there were certainly more and other hurts waiting ahead of me.
I didn’t know then, but I have since learned, that no move to more happiness requires harder work than staying sad. From where I sit, I can decide to be miserable, as I have been, or sick, as I was then, without slogging my way through mental gunk and muck, trying to reach for a better place. I didn’t feel up to the effort, at all.
In fact, I remember being quite sure that I would have to suffer and give up a lot, to be happy. At the time, that’s what I knew to do. Not good practice. I have tried that method so many times before — if I feel like crap, the only thing I knew to do was to feel crappy, and hope someone would come along and rescue me.
Just the other morning, I found myself a few steps back down that road. At least now, I recognize those feelings when they first come on. Instead of letting the sadness hold on and keep me down, I examined what I was feeling, and though tabout strategies that worked in the past. I came up with a good one, too. I simply needed to get back to work.
Now, I could imagine myself, sitting here and whining about wanting to go back to work. Maybe bitching at the Home Physical Therapist about how much I wish I could be done with the recovery, probably crying to the social worker about my sad bad luck. Not this time!
I threw myself into my recovery, in a way I don’t remember doing before. I walked with the therapists; I walked after meals; I would have walked in my sleep, except that the staff stayed in the hallways at night. By the time I left Horizons Rehab, I had progressed half again the distance and strength they’d expected.
I had some trouble staying motivated, once I was home, but I had several home health care therapists through CHANS Home Nursing. They helped me to stick to the course of recovery. Finally, last week, when this sadness began to come over me again. I immediately told the CHANS Physical Therapist that I wanted to be discharged, so that I may go back to work. After demonstrating my ability to climb stairs, and to do all of the exercises I’d been taught, the therapist agreed that I was ready to be discharged from Home Therapy, and to go back to Riverview Physical Therapy, where I was having PT before my fall.
I immediately called and set up an appointment with them for this Wednesday. Today, I stopped in the hardware store to speak to the manager, and she asked me to come back on Friday for my usual two-hour shift. I was happy and relieved and ready to jump into one of cash register spots and get back to work. Instead, Mom and I ran some errands and then bought groceries for my stay at her house. I walked around the grocery store instead of riding a cart, and I was ready to crash for a couple of hours when I got home.
Still, as a part of my scheduled trip to Mexico in July 2014, I knew that feeling exhausted in the morning needn’t keep me from walking again late in the afternoon. From now on, though, I will be walking earlier in the day, so as to have enough energy to walk longer distances. That goal will keep me on the move — I intend to be well enough to walk wherever I want, when Darreby and I get down there.
This experience, for me, is Abraham’s lesson working in my life. I was not ready to move forward, in the past; I was too rooted in feeling bad. Now, instead, I have started in a good, happy state of mind, and I will continue to approachmy goal positively. I feel a lot better at this early stage, and getting to the place I want to be is already a lot of fun; just dreaming and researching possibilities makes me feel great, and keep me aware of the happier time ahead. Smart, joyful, positive pathways are so much easier to walk!