I made a decision when I began blogging, that if and when I felt blocked, I would write about writing. This is one of those days.
Writing is, by far, the best activity I have ever chosen to do full-time. I’ve held some very interesting positions in my life — cashier, retail salesperson, pastor, project management administrator, community caregiver, social worker, and now I am a cashier again. And those are only the highlights. The primary reason for my life of employment-nomadism was my low self-esteem, which I had in buckets most of my life. Combine that with a reasonably high IQ and a streak of general capability; I almost always found a job I could do, one at the beginning of which I felt very positive. Imagine, then, the dive in self-regard that always followed being unable to carry through. I know this is a familiar story to a majority of people in our world, so I need not elaborate.
I approached the process of writing a blog in much the same way, at least at first. I believed I could impart knowledge about a life of diabetes that might help someone else, so that was my focus. I hadn’t been writing two weeks when I received some very good advice, from people who loved me: Stop trying to teach, and just write. I followed that advice, and immediately I felt the value of writing honestly. I found some courage then and, (as I believe our emotions always do,) that courage led to a braver and more positive outlook in my life. I know, without a drop of melodrama, that writing has led me to regeneration, and I am a different person, (perhaps a better one,) since I author-ized myself here.
I speak very proudly of writing this blog now, and I see the entire range of reactions when I do. Anyone who knew me before I started can see the enormous change in me; some people sneer, when I have the audacity to call myself an author; to most of my family and friends, I am embarked on the greatest and most beneficial job of my entire life. I am pushing myself somewhat, trying to write good fiction, in the form of a novel. I know the process is good for me, regardless of my success or setbacks on that task.
So has gone the story of my writing, up until now. I don’t know where this work may lead me, but for once, (in fact, for the very first time,) I am not looking for a happier future. I am content to live in my happy present — I have put aside the past, as much as I can, and I know I will do better even than I am now.
So, writing about writing seems the right way to deal with blocks — another good lesson to get under my belt. No matter how private or public my work may be or become, this is my job, and my career, for now, and for the rest of my life.