What I Want to Do With My Life

I made a decision when I began blogging, that if and when I felt blocked, I would write about writing.  This is one of those days.

Writing is, by far, the best activity I have ever chosen to do full-time.  I’ve held some very interesting positions in my life — cashier, retail salesperson, pastor, project management administrator, community caregiver, social worker, and now I am a cashier again.  And those are only the highlights.  The primary reason for my life of employment-nomadism was my low self-esteem, which I had in buckets most of my life.  Combine that with a reasonably high IQ and a streak of general capability;  I almost always found a job I could do, one at the beginning of which I felt very positive.  Imagine, then, the dive in self-regard that always followed being unable to carry through.  I know this is a familiar story to a majority of people in our world, so I need not elaborate.

I approached the process of writing a blog in much the same way, at least at first.  I believed I could impart knowledge about a life of diabetes that might help someone else, so that was my focus.  I hadn’t been writing two weeks when I received some very good advice, from people who loved me:  Stop trying to teach, and just write.  I followed that advice, and immediately I felt the value of writing honestly.  I found some courage then and, (as I believe our emotions always do,) that courage led to a braver and more positive outlook in my life.  I know, without a drop of melodrama, that writing has led me to regeneration, and I am a different person, (perhaps a better one,) since I author-ized myself here.

I speak very proudly of writing this blog now, and I see the entire range of reactions when I do.  Anyone who knew me before I started can see the enormous change in me; some people sneer, when I have the audacity to call myself an author; to most of my family and friends, I am embarked on the greatest and most beneficial job of my entire life.  I am pushing myself somewhat, trying to write good fiction, in the form of a novel.  I know the process is good for me, regardless of my success or setbacks on that task.

So has gone the story of my writing, up until now.  I don’t know where this work may lead me, but for once, (in fact, for the very first time,) I am not looking for a happier future.  I am content to live in my happy present — I have put aside the past, as much as I can, and I know I will do better even than I am now.

So, writing about writing seems the right way to deal with blocks — another good lesson to get under my belt.  No matter how private or public my work may be or become, this is my job, and my career, for now, and for the rest of my life.

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12 responses to “What I Want to Do With My Life

  1. Beautifully written heartfelt and honest post Judith! I was just writing somewhere, on a blog.. (I’ve written all over so many in a flurry of excitement about all the new stuff, I can hardly keep track now) that writing in so many ways can serve as a therapeutic treatment, stress release of sorts.

    Not only do we have the opportunity to read the writings of others and relate, but when we pop down our thoughts we often find comfort and comradeship in our fellow writers comments. Short of that, at the very least our mind is provoked into thinking about things differently – and there is nothing wrong with seeing a few different angle of a story!

    I love to write letters to people during times of struggle, and then NOT send them.. lol Its something I have been doing for years as a way of bringing about forgiveness and healing from hurts!

    Thanks so much for sharing 🙂

    Miss Lou

  2. What a breath of fresh air this post is! I thank you profusely for mirroring my own process so closely in your words, including vocational nomadism and the struggle to find my voice.

    I’ve struggled with the conundrum of whether to teach or simply write and share. Your story fairly closely mirrors my own and helps bring clarity. Thank you so much for helping an aspiring blogger and writer. 🙂

    • You are most welcome. Thank you for telling me about your choice — I will add you to my meditations, unless you object, of course. I am very happy to know that this post helped in some way. I know whatever you choose will be the right path to your joy. All the best!

  3. I think it’s a great summary of how you got to “now” – make sure you bookmark it when you need to encourage yourself. I’ve told you several times (maybe many times) that I’ve seen a huge change in your outlook on life since you started this. For the better too – I think you’re much happier and more settled. Those are good things!

    Nancy

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