Blogger, Heal Thyself!

I dragged through the last several days, with absolutely no clue why.

I didn’t just drop to the depths of emotion, either.  I marched down that road, willingly giving in to the old habits — throwing mail on the floor, putting dirty clothes back on in the morning, sleeping in my clothes.  I often write about finding something to be happy about — I just couldn’t, not until this morning.  I felt like I used to feel — not non-functioning, but certainly dysfunctional.

I depended, in the past, on my intellect to bolster me through sadness.  I employed that strategy this week.  I feel I must explain:  I believe what I write, even during this kind of mood.  I have long been accustomed to writing, even when the steps I write seem like something I will never be able to carry out myself.  I am sincere.

But I still needed to shake off this depression.  This morning, I woke up, and I could tell I turned a corner sometime during the night.  I jumped out of bed, dressed, and got right down to the laundry room — My laundry was finished by 7:40AM.  While it was washing and drying, I sat outside and watched the sunrise, listened to the birds and the cars whizzing by on the highway.  I touched my grateful button, and remembered that a couple of years ago, I wouldn’t have bounced back as quickly or as strongly, or perhaps at all.  For that I am very thankful.

I also took the opportunity to talk with a woman whose recent behavior really pissed me off.  I am glad I engaged her.  I decided that peace is more important than being right.  I surprised myself when I just let go of all the frustration, when I was able to carry on a cheerful conversation.  This is a lesson for which I need periodic reminders.  I know that cutting loose those feelings of anger helped me to put my sense of sadness and unrest behind me.  For now.  I will face this again, as life comes in cycles.  Hopefully I will remember the lesson I learned.

As I mentioned above, one symptom of my depression is the cluttered state of my house.  Actually, my house is often cluttered, but I set up tools to help me avoid the worst of it.  All of those went right out the window this past week.  As a result, I have some repair to do around here.  I feel like a couple of hours will fix it, and I have chosen 10AM to 12Noon for the job.  That gives me time to hang up my clean clothes — definitely a good sign!

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