I dragged through the last several days, with absolutely no clue why.
I didn’t just drop to the depths of emotion, either. I marched down that road, willingly giving in to the old habits — throwing mail on the floor, putting dirty clothes back on in the morning, sleeping in my clothes. I often write about finding something to be happy about — I just couldn’t, not until this morning. I felt like I used to feel — not non-functioning, but certainly dysfunctional.
I depended, in the past, on my intellect to bolster me through sadness. I employed that strategy this week. I feel I must explain: I believe what I write, even during this kind of mood. I have long been accustomed to writing, even when the steps I write seem like something I will never be able to carry out myself. I am sincere.
But I still needed to shake off this depression. This morning, I woke up, and I could tell I turned a corner sometime during the night. I jumped out of bed, dressed, and got right down to the laundry room — My laundry was finished by 7:40AM. While it was washing and drying, I sat outside and watched the sunrise, listened to the birds and the cars whizzing by on the highway. I touched my grateful button, and remembered that a couple of years ago, I wouldn’t have bounced back as quickly or as strongly, or perhaps at all. For that I am very thankful.
I also took the opportunity to talk with a woman whose recent behavior really pissed me off. I am glad I engaged her. I decided that peace is more important than being right. I surprised myself when I just let go of all the frustration, when I was able to carry on a cheerful conversation. This is a lesson for which I need periodic reminders. I know that cutting loose those feelings of anger helped me to put my sense of sadness and unrest behind me. For now. I will face this again, as life comes in cycles. Hopefully I will remember the lesson I learned.
As I mentioned above, one symptom of my depression is the cluttered state of my house. Actually, my house is often cluttered, but I set up tools to help me avoid the worst of it. All of those went right out the window this past week. As a result, I have some repair to do around here. I feel like a couple of hours will fix it, and I have chosen 10AM to 12Noon for the job. That gives me time to hang up my clean clothes — definitely a good sign!