I know many people could boast histories in which their beliefs and actions were contrary to their best interests. I certainly can. I chose to act that way so many times, to believe the lies I told myself — I did. Read here what Abraham-Hicks says about that:
There is nothing that you can do that is worse for yourself, than to do something that you believe is inappropriate. And so, get clear and happy about whichever choice you make.
Excerpted from the workshop in Los Angeles, CA on July 25, 1999
Abraham does not suggest we should act appropriately. Every person acts differently on the path to self-fulfillment. If we live by the rules of others, we are automatically opting for a life of conflict, and we will search and search until we learn to do what makes us happy.
When I was twenty-three, I loved this musician, B. He is a reader of this blog now, so Hi, B! He asked me to accompany him to Colorado, where a friend of his, S. needed B. and his guitar to join a new band. It sounded like a great idea to me. I was just out of a very-too-young marriage, and I guess I was looking for the best escape from my screw-up. I hopped in the truck, despite the objections of my mother and the rest of my family, and B. gave Mom his promise not to abandon me.
(B., watch out if you plan on coming to Maine, because my mom still intends to kick your ass.)
Colorado was like no place I ever lived before. Beautiful — the beginning of my love affair with mountains. We settled in Colorado Springs, a far larger city than I ever tried to handle before. Blah, blah, details, details. B. met someone else, and left me by myself. If I were wise then, I would have come home and stayed home, but I didn’t. I flew back to Colorado and married someone else. I never gave him a chance, though. That was the beginning of a life of choices which were not to my own benefit.
I continued to behave outside of my best interest, right up until a couple of years ago. I was not managing my diabetes, was trying yet another relationship, with a man I’d known all my life, who turned out to be a jerk and a jackass. I am sure that I could have died from lack of motivation, if I didn’t die from bad medical practices. I felt lost, and sad. But my sadness couldn’t point me to positivity; one day I simply decided to live in peace and joy, or at least to be contented. My life changed.
I am sure I still make some decisions that make me unhappy, some of the time, but I am satisfied with the choices I make. If I must, I stop doing whatever is hurting me, and forgive myself, and get back in the groove of joy. Did I finally decide to do the right thing?
No, not really, although I am always reaching for that balance. The way I achieve my goals is to accept myself, no matter what, and love myself, despite the many times I mess up. I spend my life striving for more happiness all the time. Since I am not perfect, I succeed some and fail some. But failure is no longer the looming horror it used to be; I love just being human, with accomplishments and setbacks like everyone else. I do as my heart and head guide me. The real change isn’t me, but rather the definition of what makes me happy.