I wrote this over a week ago, but it still pertains.
I spent some of the last couple of evenings recounting in my mind the medical procedures I have undergone. You see, I met with my vascular surgeon on Tuesday, and we discussed surgery to create a fistula for possible future hemodialysis. An ultrasound technician looked at both of my arms, and the doctor decided that he will likely use my right arm. He wanted to schedule the surgery immediately — I resisted, and told him I didn’t want to do anything any sooner than I have to.
My surgical history, and that of my entire medical life, proves one thing — I am a slave to suggestion. Before my bypass surgery, the doctor talked to me for an hour about possible complications. Sure enough, when the surgery was over, I wasn’t out for a day before I went back. The surgeon drained 500 ml of fluid from around my heart. I had developed a staph infection in my sternum.
Following the first thoracic surgery, to clean the infection from my sternum, I was stapled shut and admitted for observation. Within a couple of days, everyone who saw me knew that the infection worsened, rather than retreating. Over the course of the next seven weeks, I underwent two more thoracic surgeries, and finally, ( I think,) the doctor opened my chest, put me in a coma for a couple of weeks. None of these methods worked, and finally he decided that e would remove my sternum all together, and schedule a plastic surgeon to connect my ribs with a muscle flap taken from my abdomen.
This post includes only the highlights of those two months, because I don’t remember very clearly what happened from day to day. After I recovered, my mother and my sister S. told me that I evidenced every symptom the doctor mentioned as possibilities. Since then, I have seen this happen many times — but I never understood why some part of me was facilitating painful symptoms, negative emotions, all kinds horrible outcomes.
With the help of my sister, S., I discovered Abraham-Hicks’ Law of Attraction. After stripping away the “woo-woo” aspect, the law explains what I was doing. I was almost constantly paying attention to the worst possible outcome of any situation. I left no room at all for any kind of positive growth. And I lived that way since 1974 — a very long time.