Me, at RehabHello, my readers and friends! You haven’t heard much from me in the last few weeks. At first, I took a break because I did’t know what to write, and over the last ten-or–so days I have been in the hospital, severely ill.

I had a small stroke. My speech has returned to nearly normal, although my pace is wrong, and my tongue still feels larger than the inside of my mouth.

More seriosly affected is my left arm, which remains mostly numb, although I expect to make progress in rehab, where I go tomorrow. Most notable, however, were the visions I experienced during the first day in ICU.  I believed I was among a group of pre-Islsam African scholars, treated with respect, (as though a member of the tribe,) and encouraged to participate  in the exchange of intellectual and philosophical ideas.  The stretching of my mind during this time remains, but I will need some time to sort through some stuff — eventually I will write of it.

I left the hospital this afternoon, and now reside in NewEngland Rehab Hospital.  I have to mention all the help and attention from my youngest sister, M.  She is steadfast, and she helps me prepare for the coming weeks, physically and emotionally.  Thanks, M.!  In fact, all of my family and many of my friends assist me through these tough first days, and many of them  have volunteered one of  their kidneys.  Amazing; that’s how that feels!


Speaking of B Movies…

I was flipping through channels during lunch, and I came upon the very beginning of a movie that looked like it would meet my criteria for B movies.  It’s called Supernova, and the major star is James Spader.  More about him later.

This film isn’t what I expected, but in a way, it is, too.  It isn’t a disaster movie, which I expected from the title.  Supernova is a movie about humanity and personality, and a disaster, of a sort.  Typical B-movie sci-fi, although I expect it has a following.  Basically, rescue ship answers beacon, picks up survivor and “artifact.” Benign survivor turns bad….. that’s all for now, in case someone of you want to watch it 😎

The reason I sat down to write this is because of my actor/watcher relationship with James Spader.  I first saw him as Steff in Pretty in Pink.  I love Molly Ringwald, or did when she was making that kind of movie.  But the Steff character is a snob, a self-righteous bastard, and a jackass who believes his parents’ wealth gives him permission to do anything he wants.  (And, as you’ll see, this is my non-hateful definition of the character!)  Spader plays Steff, and he is convincingly nasty.  I decided when I saw this movie for the first time that I hated him.  Not Steff — James Spader.  I thought that was perfectly normal.  Of course, I was pretty perfectly abnormal, so I would.

I haven’t watched any of his movies since.  I even stayed away from Stargate, because he acted in it.  (That’s saying a lot, for a sci-fi freak like me.)  I held on to this irrational feeling from 1985 until today.  I’m not saying he’s particularly good in this movie, although he plays his part with some skill.  I just haven’t had the opportunity to watch him since I went through all those changes last year,  For the first time in 30 years, I watched.  And I don’t hate him at all.  He’s a decent actor, and I have some movie-making-up to do.

But why was my initial reaction so strong?  Because it was easier to hate an actor than another individual?  Well, yes, but….  Because he played such a total A-hole in that movie?  Well, obviously, I’d known that type in high  school, and I blamed him, for some crazy reason, for the crap I got from the cheerleaders, et al.  Was it easier when I was 25 to hate anyone, because that made it okay that I hated myself?  Closer.  More questions and answers will arise as the days go by, I’m sure.

And my final point?  I know not every kid is as crazy as I was, but if someone claims that movie content doesn’t influence young people, I have to laugh.  Ironically.  Ha, Ha, F*cking Ha.